


First Person Canon Redux

by DancingCactus



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Because everything is canon, Blackrom, Canon, F/F, Insecurity, June - Freeform, June Egbert - Freeform, Kismesis, Multi, Peptalk, Sadstuck, Self Loathing, Self destructive thoughts, Weenie - Freeform, anti-epilogue, black rom, self discovery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-29
Updated: 2019-11-29
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:02:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21601897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DancingCactus/pseuds/DancingCactus
Summary: June Egbert is having issues working through her trauma and accepting that she's trans. Intrusive thoughts and Terezi ensue.
Relationships: June<3
Kudos: 26
Collections: June Egbert Jam





	First Person Canon Redux

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you Sarah Zedig for writing Godfeels and in turn inspiring this.

I am ____ Egbert and I don’t know how to relate to people anymore. 

I don’t know if I ever did, I don’t know if I ever had the chance, and I blame myself all the time! I look back at myself and I think 

____: god what a fucking idiot. people aren’t movies! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!  
____: you’re hurting people! don’t you understand you’re hurting people and you can’t undo that! you can undo anything,and you can move people across universes eventually, but you can’t undo that.  
____: you know that you can’t erase those memories, and you can’t just think that because they’re in another universe that you have unhurt them or that they stopped existing! they exist there just as hurt as ever and you can’t just sacrifice every universe all for one.  
____: that’s not how this works! That’s not how this is supposed to work! None of this of this is supposed to be happening, but it is and it’s your fault!  
____: you just thought you had to play the game, you had to create yourself, you just had to save he wasn’t the real dave, you just had to watch your dad die, you just had to scratch the universe, you just had to leave Jade alone  
____: it's your fault you played the game, it is your fault your dad died, it is your fault that jade was alone on the ship, it is your fault that other universes had to suffer just to make one not. 

I just feel really hurt, I can’t get past the fact that this earth is the way it is because of me, and I am happy that everyone else is doing okay, but I can’t stop thinking about how I am the only one who knows…

I guess Roxy knows. 

I don’t know. 

But I don’t know how she... he’s doing okay! I just want to be as happy as Roxy! Why can’t I? It must be my fault, right? 

Terezi: W3LL W3LL WELL 1F 1T 1SN’T 3GB3RT H4V1NG 4 CL4SS1C BR34KDOWN  
____: go away.  
Terezi: 1 W1LL NOT  
Terezi: 4S MUCH 4S 1 LOV3 S4D BO1 T34RS  
Terezi: 4ND B3L13V3 M3 1 DO-  
____: i know, i know. dave was in a cast iron pot, and he cried, and blah, blah, blah  
Terezi: JOHN DONT INT3RUPT M3  
____: my names not john anymore  
Terezi: W3LL TH3N F1N3  
Terezi: 1TS JUN3 NOW R1GHT?  
____: i don’t know, i keep telling people that but what does it really matter  
Terezi: ____  
June: what?  
Terezi: 1SNT TH4T WH4T YOU W4NT?  
June: yes  
John: no  
____: maybe  
Terezi: J3GUS JOHN!!!  
John: are you going back to that old joke?  
Terezi: >:/  
Terezi: W3LL 1M NOT GO1NG TO CHOOS3 4 N4M3 FOR YOU  
Terezi: 4S 1 W4S S4Y1NG  
Terezi: 4S MUCH 4S 1 LOV3 TH3 T4ST3 OF T34RS 1 C4NT ST4ND S331NG YOU L1K3 TH1S  
Terezi: SO HOW C4N 1 H3LP?  
____: i don't want your help  
Terezi: DO YOU TH1NK 1 DONT KNOW TH4T?  
Terezi: JUN3 1 KNOW 3V3RYTH1NG  
Terezi: JUST L1K3 1 KNOW HOW GOOD YOUR S4D S4D T34RS T4ST3  
Terezi: >;]  
____: why are you even here?  
____: …  
____: wait  
____: how are you even here?  
Terezi: WOW 3GB3RT YOU R34LLY 4R3 D3NSE  
Terezi: 1M 4 S33R OF M1ND  
Terezi: S331NG 1NTO M1NDS 1S K1ND OF MY TH1NG  
Terezi: W3V3 B33N OV3R TH1S B3FOR3  
June: you can’t see anything though ;P  
Terezi: >:O  
Terezi: CONGR4TULAT1ONS  
Terezi: TH3 W1GGL3R GR3W AN 3XOSK3L3TON  
Terezi: >:P  
Terezi: L1K3 1 W4S S4Y1NG  
Terezi: R1GHT NOW YOUR M1ND 1SN’T 3V3N BLU3 L1K3 USU4L  
Terezi: 1TS GR3Y  
TerezI: 1T T4ST3S L1K3 K4RK4TS S3NS3 OF D3N14L  
Terezi: 4ND TH4TS NOT 4 GOOD T4ST3 JUN3!  
Terezi: 1TS NOT 4 GOOD T4ST3  
June: hehe  
Terezi: TH3R3!  
Terezi: D1D YOU F33L TH4T!  
John: what?  
Terezi: >:/  
____: What!  
Terezi: NOTH1NG  
Terezi: 1 DONT KNOW HOW TO H3LP YOU  
____: i don’t want help  
Terezi: TH4TS TH3 PROBL3M  
Terezi: YOU DONT W4NT 4NYTH1NG!!!  
Terezi: 1 D1DNT RUN 4ROUND P4R4DOX SP4C3  
Terezi: 4ND F1ND TH3 LOV3 OF MY L1F3  
Terezi: JUST TO COM3 B4CK 4ND F1ND OUT TH4T MY K1SM3S1S 1S JUST 4S W33N13 4S THE L4ST T1M3 1 L3FT TH3M TO GO F1ND TH3 LOV3 OF MY L1F3  
June: i’m not a “weenie” and do you have to call vriska the love of your life?  
Terezi: >:[  
June: it just hurts and reminds me of my mistakes and how-  
Terezi: Y34H Y34H Y34H  
Terezi: 1 H34RD 1T 4LL TH3 F1RST T1M3 B3FOR3 1 GOT 1N H3R3  
June: what?  
Terezi: YOUR D3PR3S1V3 SP1R4L  
Terezi: 4ND 1M NOT GO1NG TO S1T H3R3 4ND JUST1FY MY F33L1NGS FOR VR1SK4  
Terezi: 3SP3C14LY TO SOM3ON3 WHOS 4CT1NG L1K3 4 W33N13  
____: …  
Terezi: F1N3 1LL T4K3 1T 34SY  
Terezi: BUT ONLY B3C4US3 1 W4NT YOU TO 1MPROV3 4ND 1 C4N T3LL TH4T 1SNT GO1NG TO H3LP R1GHT NOW  
Terezi:BUT TOMORROW YOUR3 M1N3  
Terezi: M4YB3 1 C4N 3V3N M4K3 YOUR CH33KS GO C4NDY R3D 4ND TH3N M4YB3 1LLL 3V3N H4V3 TO VOR3 YOU L1K3 4 CH3RUB  
Terezi: >;]  
June: hehehe  
June: that is disgusting  
June: <3<  
Terezi: <3<  
Terezi: W3 BOTH KNOW TH4T WH4T YOU D1D W4SNT YOUR F4ULT  
Terezi: 1 W4S TH3 ON3 WHO TOLD YOU WH4T TO DO  
Terezi: 4ND 1T W4SNT YOUR F4ULT TH4T W3 H4D TO PL4Y TH4T STUP1D G4M3  
Terezi: 1 UND3RST4ND WH4T YOUR3 GO1NG THROUGH  
Terezi: B3L13V3 1T OR NOT 1 W4SNT LY1NG TO YOU WH3N 1 S41D 1 3XP3R13NC3D 3V3RY V3RS1ON OF MYS3LF 1N 3V3RYT1M3 3V3RYWH3R3  
Terezi: 4ND B3L13V3 1T OR NOT 4CROSS 1NF1N1T3 S3LV3S YOU 3XP3R13NC3 1NF1N1T3 TH1NGS!!  
June: oh, wow ummm, i’m sorry  
June: :(  
Terezi: TH3R3S NOTH1NG TO B3 S4D OR SORRY 4BOUT  
Terezi: 1 W4NT YOU TO STOP B31NG SUCH 4 S4D S4CK!!!  
Terezi: 1 C4NT B3 L1V1NG OUT H3R3 W1TH 4 K1SM3S1S L1K3 TH1S  
Terezi: 1 W4NT YOU TO B3 B3TT3R  
Terezi: BUT 1M NOT GO1NG TO B3 4BL3 TO DO TH4T FOR YOU  
June: what do you mean?  
Terezi: 1 C4NT JUST S1T H3R3 4ND M4K3 YOU F33L L1K3 4 P3RSON  
Terezi: YOUR GO1NG TO H4V3 CH4NG3 YOURS3LF  
June: but i don’t know how  
June: i don’t know how to change what i’ve seen  
John: i don’t know how to change the things i’ve done  
John: i don’t know how to unhurt people  
John: i don't know what to do  
____: i don’t even know how to be a person anymore  
____: i don’t know if i ever have  
Terezi: >:/  
Terezi: DO YOU R3M3MBER WH4T 1 S41D TO YOU B3FOR3 YOU S4W YOUR D3N1Z3N  
John: … no  
Terezi: F1X TH1S  
Terezi: L1ST3N JUN3 YOU DONT N33D TO L1V3 L1K3 TH1S  
Terezi: 1V3 S33N 1T SM3LT 1T H34RD 1T  
Terezi: 4ND B3L13V3 M3  
Terezi: 1V3 T4ST3D 1T >;]  
Terezi: BUT 1 WONT S1T H3R3 1N YOUR D3PR3S1V3 GR3Y M1ND G1V1NG 4W4Y MY L1F3 TO M4K3 YOU F33L B3TT3R  
Terezi: 1 W4NT YOU TO B3 B3TT3R 4ND FOR TH4T TO H4PP3N TH3N 1T 1S GO1NG TO H4V3 TO COM3 FROM YOU  
Terezi: 1V3 M3T YOU  
Terezi: YOU C4N DO TH1S  
Terezi: 4ND WH3N YOU DO TH3N W3 SHOULD T4LK 4BOUT TH1NGS  
June: thanks  
June: i guess you are right  
Terezi: OF COURS3 1M R1GHT!  
Terezi: SM3LL Y4 L4T3R >:]  
Terezi: <3<  
June: <3<

I’m June Egbert and I am going to change this.

I don’t know how, but I am going to change this

Terezi: T4LK TO ROXY!!! 

I'm June Egbert and I am going to talk to Roxy.


End file.
